My youngest..........

peace!

well 12 years ago today,(October 9th) my daughter, my youngest was born....again I say...12 years ago my daughter Zoey Monique was born. As the other two births I also remember hers like it was yesterday, by the time she was born myself and my ex were pretty much experts at this and it was just pretty much routine...lol..
...it was the last episode of ER (yeah when George Clooney was on it...lol..), my ex and I ate a LARGE pizza that we finished off by ourselves and just finishing watching ER. At that time in my life I stayed in swearpants, had every color, that night had on my favorite pair....the black ones:) Zoey moved alot one of the most active babies out of the three, at the end of my pregnancy with her I was put on leave as I was having prematureing labor with her, (im having a hard time writing this....my kids are big:(

..okay, stronger today..lol...so my water breaks now this is my third child and I have never had my water just naturally break so when it broke I had not a clue what this white clear liquidy stuff was, at the time Aunt Beck was living with us and so ofcourse she told me what it was, and we were off. Soon as I got in the car they started....wwwwoooooooeeeeee....labor pain, something you will NEVER forget..lol....I wont get into the details of the labor yet a large pizza before labor wasent cool at all....Zo was a difficult labor (just like her attitude now, lol)...there are two ways babies can come out, (meaning their head position) with their chin down or up, and that will determine the position of their shoulders, will ofcourse homegirl has to have her chin down which makes her shoulders more wider which in turn harder to push...(smh)....it was difficult...my ex was falling asleep (as usual, this being his 4th labor..lol), I was pulling out IV's, blah, blah, blah,..lol...she came......Zoey Monique arrived, little thing, like ALL my children, I mean I am little as well, so im not pushing anything more than 7 pounds out....Zoey....gosh, hardly can believe it, THEY are all growing up........

Peace!!!

so disgusted!!!

Peace......

..been a minute....moving with life and NOT missing a minute:) (((hugs))) ya'll doing good, will so:)

I am so disgusted by the church of ALL denominations, you give credit to someone YOU cant see I honestly have to view you in a cautious manner.

Why wont you take accountability for self?
When good things happen a birth of a baby, marriage, job promotion ect. why would you thank somebody who you cant see, YOU didn't do all the work?


My girls know...they play around with me when it comes to this mystery man, yet they know, everything in MY life has been by the hands of ME, no outside force and I am not giving NO DAMN credit to no one for my bad decisions or my good decisions.

This molesting of children is sicking to me, I caught this show on CNN 'What The Pope Knew', long story short a minister (or whatever they are calling them these days) molested boys for years at a deaf school and proceeded his career onto working with the Pope (smh).....on top of Eddie Long. Just disgusting... Yet you all want to pray for me....please DON'T!!!

Having a better understanding of who I am has me making very sound and strong decisions whether good or bad I make them.......I am almost pitiful for those who dont depend on themselves as much, why don't you have the confidence in you, what happened your hands are not good enough?

When I hear conversations or see things on FB like "oh Thank GOd for my blessings" ect ect...what does that exactly mean? He blessed you with a job?, you didn't go for the interview? I mean i don't get it.....'thank god for this food', I though i just cooked this meal, shouldn't you be thanking me, and by the way I went to the grocery store to buy these food that i cooked....I think those folks are crazy......

I have been called crazy LOTS of times, it use to really bother me, now I laugh inside when i hear that, Im crazy cause i made a right and exact point, well ill be crazy, at least I depend on me, and NO ONE else, and shit gets done. Yet the ones I see go into this building put money in a basket, plate, barely able to feed his/her family, fall down on the ground, raise hands in the air, hollering and screaming for someone who isent there, and Im crazy.....HA!!!!

They are molesting our babies, yet can still get a chance to apologies.....The Petit Trail is going on here in CT these men BRUTALLY slaughtered this family and trust there is no mercy for them, so what is the difference?

These are times I will my dad was alive, my pops...down south man, a very proud black man, read the bible yet not heavy with me on it....I love to hear what he has to say on why the black community (especially) feels the need to depend on someone else and someone they cant see. I look back when I was growing up and I had a great home, two hard working parents, we had all the materialistic BS that society impels us to have, and I accredit my mother and mainly my pops for that...no damn mystery!

TAKE NOTHING ON FACE VALUE!!!!!

Proper Education Always Corrects Errors

Ruthie......

Peace-

My mother and I have had a love/hate relationship my whole entire life, and has gotten worse is the last 5 years.

My mother was born in Trinidad and Tobago and my grandparents our from India and were Hindi. She come from 13 kids and I believe she is the 8Th in line. I am not sure at all how their upbringing was, when I do ask questions everyone just clams up (aunts, uncles older cousins...so I do my best to keep my third eye wide open for anything to get a better understanding of this woman that gave birth to me.

My mother is an odd lady.....she is the definition of negativity (my father the complete opposite) nothing is ever good enough for her, she shows no physical type of emotion of love only anger and hate. Her way of showing love to me was buying me everything under the sun and as I got older, cash. She is pleasant when need be to everyone but me....yet it is what it is.

In the last 4yrs my mother has lost two of her sisters (the two that she was very close too) one of ovarian cancer and the other of metastasized breast cancer,and I just found out that my Uncle in Trini just had his foot amputated due to diabetes..and this uncle is my mom's fav they are INCREDIBLY close. My aunt that died of metastasized breast cancer lived in Stamford so we saw her often....I think her death put my mother over the ledge, actually it did. Since my aunts death my mother has been more agitated, meaner, absolutely no type of tolerance and just mean as all hell. My mother is 68....she is not old. She is in good health, yet her depression is NOW ailing her physically.

We visited with her yesterday....her and I know longer really speak as it is not good for my well being, and if I'm NOT good ain't no one around me gonna be good. I have done an incredible amount of studying and understanding since studying 120, and out the blue (as how usually understanding comes) I realized that all of the intense relationships that I have (my oldest daughters father and my marriage) were due to what I was use too, abuse. My mother had always been verbal abusive....sooooo those were the men I chose, my oldest daughters father was physically abusive and my ex-husband was verbally abusive. My ex-husband watched this type of abusive his whole life so its his nature, controlling behaviour, especially with women. Realizing this I have made a sound decision to remove myself from all that whom to be extremely negative and can not own up to one's responsibilities and controlling people just to be controlling. So why mom dukes and I keep are distance, since doing this my heart and my mind are lighter and I see so much more clearly (UNDERSTANDING:).

So as we know what you see in your cipher is what you will be. Why for the change...my wisdom seed has a mouth as any 13yr old teenager, yet disrespect so out of line that it will literally stop you in your tracks to check again how old YOU are. Yes, I have spoken to the father on numerous occasions, have spoke to her many different times on this.....now due to the divorce as well as foreclosure I have opt to put them in counseling, the father thinks they don't need it, his words 'YOU need it most', lol...of course I'm in therapy as well...the choices I have made have, some definitely not good and some HAD to be done....and I have NO REGRETS....yet life is not as smooth as we all like it to be.....so we continue to get through the hell to live/love right....I AM!!!! My sternness though is falling on deaf ass ears.....the wisdom seed I understand....cycles, friendships, transitioning from a child to a young lady and about to start high school....so I understand, also finding and loving self at its most organic form, which for a teenager does not happen, trust I know, just went through one and at 19, I am NOW starting to see the transitioning...any who back the the wisdom seed so with all that she is going through the father on the other hand does not help....his words may say he is, yet his sidebar comments and actions show differently. The cycle that we had seem to be continuing had stopped when we divorced and when I took real notice on both our childhoods, reflecting that someone has to take a stand for the better.....breaking my heart to tiny pieces that I have NEVER experienced before watching this train wreck unfolding is so disturbing. I talk alot....especially since the divorce and the foreclosure so no rock has not been kicked turned and thrown out a few times.....yet I am NOT going to stay in hard, depressant types....striving for the best....so far.....so good. The wounds though still take time to heal why the children will go to therapy....funny....EVERYONE who i have spoke to agree...a divorce is a death and what i heard this morning speaking to one of the psychiatrist i work with its a death of all the dreams and plans that were anticipated, love that, and could not be more true. I have ALWAYS own up and taken responsibility, my ex tried to go kinetic when i mentioned that this morning which is hilarious, my saying when we were divorcing....'I will take 70% of the blame as I am no angel' and stand strong and firm behind that, a marriage is with two people as well as a divorce. He on the other hand does not and has shown and proven time and time again by disbarring members of family and friends for issues that pertain with him instead of taking responsibility.......why these issues with my wisdom seed or getting truly out of hand. So in an a emergency phone call to the therapist was warranted after meeting with the father and the child. My point of this blog......we ALL go issues in our family, some with deep rooted secrets, and what I have discovered SECRETS KEEP PEOPLE SICK. I REFUSE to let this happen to me or my children, I understand what is going on with my children each one of them, and to address them to break the serious cycles that have been going on from the past.

1. Hug and love your children ALL the time...smother them.

2. Take the time for one and one with your children.

3. Listen to them and make the necessary changes that HAVE to be made with in yourself...change is NECESSARY (i know i have said this)We has adults THINK that everything we do is right and exact yet, sometimes it isn't, and best believe your children will say so, a saying the ex uses and I used to use it too...'Do as I say NOT as I do'...well if that isn't being a straight up hypocrite i don't now what is. If i hit you and my kids see this and then turn around and hit someone else who am i to tell them no hitting?..point made, will point taken.

I blog to vent, I blog to help others help THEMSELVES and those in their cipher. No one gives us a book at 18 and says 'here, and any problems check the troubleshooting page'.....real talk....A person you continues not to take responsibility for their words and actions is someone who also wants to keep separation (savage)...if you come in contact with me, this will not happen, I did for a long time separate myself thinking (not knowing) that no one liked me or cared for me...hmph so farther from the truth, now that I'm out and about my actions show and prove im really not the bitch that all anticipated. COMMUNICATE!!!!

...always coming in peace and I leave always in...........PEACEEEEEEEE ((((HUGS))))

A Sketch of Tranquility

Peace-


So, I have been an avid reader for the last 3 years, mostly non-fiction. In the three years a ran up on a blog spot of The God Emblem.

(http://emblemofjustice.blogspot.com/...........not sure how I even found it, yet I did. To give a little back round Emblem is a 5% (a tru n liveing, like for real)..I had started copying his blogs for my ex-God to read (he was incarcerated at the time)...he read and said yeah he a tru n living..just is, now this was the beginning of myself getting into 120 (knowledge of self)....and if anyone who knows that studies and IS 120 knows its like new air :)....I honestly can not explain it in words,yet the one that does is Emblem. Just go to his blogspot and enter the real air of life. So anyways he started writing Sketch, not a clue to how it even started for him, all is his blogs are everything and anything of life, reality, related back to 120, its crazy...it freaking makes sense!

So he wrote a book A Sketch of Tranquility, that I received thanks to his Queen, Earth, Maternal, Luminous...to me ultimately Earth! Now before i get into the book, it was actually a blog, every week ( I believe) was a new episode a soap opera in writing. I was OBSESSED i tell you, checking every damn day like a fiend, on the phone analyzing with the ex-God on it (yes he was getting copies too). WE ALL have relationships with everyone in life, mother, sister, friend, boyfriend, husband, daughter, son, cousin....relationships...bonds......I related! Fast forwarding....he stopped writing, WTF....

The book! http://asketchoftranquility.blogspot.com/

Trying my hardest not to harass, I would drop messages to him, when is the next one, blah, blah, nothing! Then the book was coming....too excited. You say all over a book?, INDEED, if you are an avid reader, an experienced reader, not do you just read the book, you wanna know what is up with the author their thoughts, how well they relate to the reader....Em got it! Sketch got me...All relations of everyone in the book, every character, I don't just have one favorite of each character with whom they may relate i love them all, each one got swag:)...........Intrigued? Cop it, read it in less than 24 hours.....so it captivates you from beginning to end. I will his audience gets bigger those that don't know are soooooooo missing out.

http://asketchoftranquility.blogspot.com/

I thank you all for taking the time to come through, so do me a favor go check the God and cop the book, thank you so kindly *curtsies*

As always I come as I leave eternally in peace;).....peaceeeeeeeeeeee

US

Random----

Peace...always willing for all to strive to be the best YOU!

This is straight off the cuff, not prewritten or anything...just gonna write whatever....

My sista cipher is amazing, strong women, smart women, ALL different walks of life...so proud of them all ((hugs))...I learn so much from them...my female cipher throughout the years is very small, my bestie moved to Texas, my other bestie we broke up, lol...after a 10+ year friendship, yet I saw it coming....once you get KOS, or start studying...its hard for others to handle it, visions are different, understanding is different....miss her, yet feeling amazing....odd huh *shrugs shoulders* it is what it is:)

I think my TV is busted, just when the boondocks season 3 started :/. Yes, I am a boondocks fanatic, as well as my children, great info for them and ALWAYS a topic of discussion...love aaron mcgruder...power back to us my brotha (fist in the air)


All these damn classes I have to take for work is a pain in the ass CPR, CPI (crises prevention intervention, learning to through someones ass down..lol) lately it just seems non-stop, on top of online courses(smh) a score is not going to correctly calculate how well I know something, especially when working in a hands on environment..procedure this, procedure that...middle finger this!!!

The spring/summer time is here, which means ALOT of shows I am attending...its what I do my line up thus far is a hip-hop heads dream, the 15th of May Fresh Fest in Bridgeport CT, Old School at its finest too excited for that, the 18th Amel Larrieux my all time favorite R & B on the 18th at the Blue Note...rolling dolo on this one so anyone wanna join me I'm down:), Brooklyn hip-hop fest, and of course the little small venues that I like to do. Just seen Brand Nubian and Black Sheep this past weekend in Hartford and it was peace, older crowd of course, sad to me that the younger crowd has not a clue...I can never get tired of the 7's and Ive seen them many times can't even count how many.

I am gonna be culture cipher (40) at the end of the year, and yes I am VERY excited to be that:)

My girls are HIGH INTENSITY....everything is now...(young women..lol)

my 19yr old (going to be 20 at the end of the year) is striving, I am seeing it more, slow as molasses in growth, yet ill take what I can see, good kid, really is...just striving to make her path.....

my 13yr old...race issues at the school, and I know will NOT be the last, cant stand dealing with that shit, wrote my letters, was very clear...i don't think they were expecting me to have read their board of ed book....only to find out that her father knows someone in the board of ed...yet I had to deal with this shit....and I will...what better person!! more issues with parents speaking ill on my daughter (dealing with this at present so still looking into everything another pain in the ass, and of course the father wants me to do all the damn leg work, mhm, again what better person to do it:)...yeah my plate is full with leftovers for days...lol...and speaking of plates...been making some real big fat moves lately, since teaching myself to cook vegan i have been packing the weight on...the girls don't even know the difference, so it helps that there are no leftovers (thank goodness) cooking vegan is good, yet damn expensive, I got all the basics now (sugar, flour, butter, vegan meat, cheese) so ill continue, what I learn and teach my children is for them to make good choices with having the know and can show and prove:)...

aaaaaa my baby the 11 yr old.....100% kid...still complains about soccer, still playing soccer...I have to say all three are growing up nicely, respectable children (at least to others) well mannered and polite, I get nothing but wonderful comments on them....so I guess the father and I are not doing too bad....and I'm proud of that...him and I are very difficult people....and those kids can put up with us, they damn sure can take on the world.....So hands in the air for the Davis Ladies.

my lessons...I think I finally found an educator....I'm picky, actually I'm picky about everything....yet we will see, we get along great and absolutely NO love interest and we both made that clear, defiantly my brotha....memorizing is really going to be hard as I get deeper into my lessons....even though the books I read are in depth of history and info and I can get through those, the lessons should be straight...just finished reading Che Guevara...so digging dude, why is it always a problem when you stick up for what is right and exact....never take anything on face value, always do your own research.

I cant stand dealing with the issue of race, we are universal yet you want me to fill out a census, why? what is the need? i guess you coming to the crib,and get ready i gotta alot of questions before you start asking me any:, when it is addressed to me, and i give my answer I am a racist?! (smh)what you didn't like my answer?!....i did NOT start this hatred behind skin color....do your damn history, research and I mean beyond slavery, even beyond Jesus..and shhh he was black:) I get called too black or extreme ( i truly laugh my ass off at this)...never understood that, when I asked a very knowledgeable person on this, he said and I quote "peace Queen, too black or extreme are code words for spreading KNOWLEDGE OF SELF and modeling Truth" Bilal Skanofa, you want some serious Truth google this man....the whole thing annoys me, especially when grown ass folks dont know where they come from...Indians are from India, Africans are from Africa...huh????, yes this was truly said to me....I said nothing...this is not someone I could have elevated with...(smh) deaf, dumb and blind..i should have discussed further it is my duty, yet too difficult of person *shrugs shoulders* it is what it is.

pearls are so classy!!

I like feeling the breeze on my face at this season with the sun shining, absorbing all the vitamin D.....just not in a damn turtleneck..lol..

I love psychiatry, now that I am really paying attention too what is going on around me, I love it...and for my fans that I hear are avid readers...I AM SOOOO NOT BIPOLAR!...maybe OCD (over compulsive disorder)yet in a good way...what is wrong with being organized and clean?!

Trying to get out of wearing black...well right now I need it, did I mention im in fat mode right now....I love to cook and eat!!!!, and Im real good at it too, if I must say so;)....mental note have to fast soon!!!!

I love where I work at, really I do!

I LOVE Master Equality!!!!! (me)

always been a very hard working woman, I like that about me.

i love being a mother to three teenagers.....i just don't like being in the truck with them all at once....they talk to much;)...and their music selection SUCKS!!!!, yet they know old school....proud mama on that....music is a release, they gonna need that.....it can be tuff out here....I love my babies, and will forever be my babies (yeah im tearing, if you follow you know im the biggest crybaby), even though they are all about to pass me in height..they are my babies...their growth to me is just so amazing...they each have their own style, own individualism which i promote heavily...

The ex God gotta a FB...(rotflmao), he was telling me and my oldest seed he has like a 100 friends, we both laughed, better catch up, we know you got more out there..lol..lol very nice to see his growth as well, from afar ofcourse...he just got into a really bad motorcycle accident..went and saw him and he is just road burned up, im so glad we are friends now...willing all the positive energy to him.

I am single with three beautiful daughters...that is all you need to know, alot say I need to get out there, get out there for what, I have heavy morals and I am NOT changing that shit now for some divine i cee king (you figure it out)the same before 120 and during and will after...ssshhhhh....my ex-husband went out of his way to get my attention, do you honestly think Ill settle for anything less than? (hands on hip)...lol...yeah I tend to be a bad ass..lol...anywho......well I will leave you all as I always come in peace and with some words from the Dalai Lama........

YOU CAN DEVELOP PATIENCE AND CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDES WITH CONTINUOUS PRACTICE - THE HUMAN MIND HAS SUCH POTENTIAL. Dalai Lama

Peace
((hugs))

Transition

Transition - change, often major - passage from one position, condition, etc., to another

Peaceeeeee, whats good, been a minute or I should say a long ass minute;)...raising three daughters aint no joke:)

Its natural , every second that the earth makes movement there is a transition (change) going on..the wind blowing against the trees providing O2 and moisture to continue growth, while the soil, even in this cold making movement to nurture the roots of the tree..you get me:), as in our natural universe, all this happens in our daily lives our LIFE.

Transitioning to girls to preteen, teenager and young woman is metamorphosing right in front of me. I'm in awe, being an only child and watching my three daughters bond and have their individual relationships with each their is defiantly something I am incredibly proud of. My transitions of being a wife to a singe mother have had its ups and downs, yet I have grown from every movement from every moment that has/is been made, like a Caterpillar......this butterfly is sure to fly soon;)

Transitioning is so a part of life, without change there is NO growth, and I'm all for the growth, just like when its time to do your garden or yard you have to transition the dirt, add new dirt, water, new seeds or the left overs from the year before, yet nurturing what is left to come back new, you feel me;)I am in a good place to date, took a minute yet perfection does not happen over night, knowledging self is a LIFE LONG journey.

So I'm sure those that read are curious to know whats up with the GOD, well the God is my friend and couldn't dislike him even if I wanted to. He gave me this light that I now bestow on to my seeds so he will forever have my respect and love, yet I really don't know what I was thinking or was I? He is good I guess, same jail story as the common next struggling to find a job and frustrated, trying to give him back what he has given me unfortunately it maybe falling on deaf ears, yet always willing him the best. He laughs all the time at me, when I confide to him on whats going on in my life and then has to bring me back to my square, I do laugh to myself, wise he is, just don't understand how HE cant bring that wisdom forth, may not be for me to understand *shrugs shoulders* in time.

I am striving to continue with blogging it helps. I do in my blackberry and then clean it up on here, ya'll don't need to know everything..lol..lol..

Willing all is peace ((hugs)) and will continue and encourage you to join myself and my girls (they will soon be blogging) on this journey of life that we go through, willing that maybe some of my experiences could be enlightening to you. PEACE!